Processing Grief and finding joy

Hi Everyone. Jen here.

There has been a heaviness in my heart this week. I suppose there is always a certain contained heaviness in my heart, but this week that container has felt quite large and vulnerable. The grief of the racially-motivated terrorist attack that occurred in Buffalo and hate crimes elsewhere in the country this week has at moments left me numb and overflowing with tears. Interspersed in these moments I have been surrounded by incredible moments of joy: a nurturing and supportive farm crew; seeds emerging and transplanting seedlings; birds taking flight and bees in action; thunderstorms and steady rains; snails tenderly crossing terrain; earthworms, mycelium, dandelions, lilacs, daffodils, and the pulse of life moving in continuum with death all around me. 

In my saddest moments, I remind myself that “joy is an act of resistance”- a powerful statement from a poem by Toi Derricotte that I first learned from the Resistance Revival Chorus years ago. I bow my head in reverence to the Earth and I am reminded of our interdependence and our responsibility of collective care. I focus on a lupine leaf holding water after a rain, or a mushroom emerging throughout the day. I focus on my brown hands in the cool soil that is vibrating with complexity and possibility. I honor our interconnectedness. I invite others in to experience the wonder and the joy and watch how they breathe in smells and feel textures that are both new and familiar. I plant seeds with prayer. I transfer seedlings into larger spaces so that they have room to offer more. In doing so, I offer my prayers to the world. I make space for the pain while simultaneously making space for the beauty and the joy. And I quietly remind myself that joy is an act of resistance.

Share a media advisory from The Buffalo Food Equity Network (BFEN) HERE. BFEN is made up of over 100 people of color, predominantly Black folks who are East Buffalo residents, committed to addressing systemic racism in the food system in Buffalo and Western New York.

Invest in Black-led organizations working to end food apartheid and violence in Buffalo.